Taking Off Page 13

  But it was a relief too, wasn’t it? In a way, it was. But something else nagged at me.

  Oh, forget it, I thought, sitting in the chair in a corner.

  I picked up my knitting, studying my work. I was so close to being done. I got back to it.

  Tommy flipped through the channels on the television, settling on Magnum, P.I. I realized, with a start, that this was the first time I’d felt really relaxed with Tommy since I’d met him.

  He lay back against the headboard with the pillows propping him up, grinning with that impossibly infectious grin. And in a second, I went from relaxed to anxious. I shouldn’t be looking at him all the time.

  I’d only known him for three days, but it seemed like so much longer.

  He glanced at me. “You want to go to the beach tomorrow?”

  I grinned. “It’s too cold for a launch, but we can still go.”

  “We’ll bundle up.”

  “Let’s get up early again, Tommy. I’d really like to see the sunrise over the Atlantic. I bet it’s beautiful.”

  “You have the best ideas,” he said.

  “Not really.”

  “Are you kidding me? This whole trip was your idea.”

  “I guess it was,” I said. Somehow I’d gotten myself off my couch. I knew if I hadn’t met Christa, I wouldn’t be here, in Florida, with Tommy. It was amazing how one person could make you see things differently and change what you did. But it wasn’t Christa making the changes: it was me. She’d just been the inspiration.

  Maybe I would see the world, starting with France. I could follow the footsteps of Van Gogh’s life.

  “Done,” I said, jumping up.

  “With your scarf?” Tommy asked.

  “No, silly,” I said, reaching over and wrapping it around his neck. “With your scarf.”

  He looked so touched it made me smile.

  “I was making it for me,” I said. “But you looked so cold when we were camping on the beach, I decided you needed one.” I pulled at the bottom of it. “There, I made it longer.”

  He took my hand, startling me, and pulled me down beside him. He grabbed both my hands. “Thank you, Annie.”

  I felt shy. “You’re welcome.”

  But he kept looking at me. And suddenly, I remembered how very alone we were in this room. He kept looking. I could see in his eyes he wanted to kiss me. That scared me. What scared me more was how much I wanted him to kiss me. And that he saw it.

  He drew closer, but I looked off.

  I stood quickly. “You’re welcome,” I said. “You’re welcome.” I had to keep saying it, so I didn’t sit back down with him.

  He didn’t say anything, but looked thoughtful. “Thanks for the scarf, Annie.”

  I curled under the covers in my bed, feeling excited, hopeful, sad, and frightened out of my damn mind.

  CHAPTER 29

  The pink sunrise leisurely stretched along the horizon. We were drinking hot coffee and sitting on a concrete table on the beach, quietly watching.

  “I can’t believe they didn’t launch,” Tommy said, opening the sack of doughnuts. “It’s a beautiful morning.”

  “Beautiful.”

  And the rich colors in the sky, the soothing rush of the waves, the fine sand, was only part of it. Tommy was the other part. I swung my feet back and forth and munched on doughnuts. I watched a crab crawl by and remembered how Mark and I used to capture them and try to keep them in castles of sand.

  I hadn’t called Mark yet. I knew he was probably mad about it. In the last two years, I’d never gone three days without talking to him. I rarely left Clear Lake, but Mark did, to go surfing or to see his mother’s family in west Texas. And he’d call me every day.

  Tommy and I sat on the table, just enjoying the morning as it warmed up. Like Tommy, I couldn’t believe they didn’t launch. It was so nice out. Christa must be anxious, ready to go, tired of the emotional roller coaster of delays.

  Some tourists walked by wearing Teacher-in-Space T-shirts.

  “Hey, I want one of those!” I said, knowing I didn’t have the money.

  “Really?”

  “Too dorky?” I asked.

  “Not if you want it,” he said, jiggling my arm.

  I lost my words. If every time he touched me I forgot how to talk, it was going to get really weird between us.

  More people were out now, moms and dads, kids and teenagers, young couples and older people. Some dared to venture out into the waves, but most were walking, throwing Frisbees, enjoying the day—waiting for the launch. Christa flying was like one of us flying. The newspaper said the renewed interest in NASA and the space program was all because of her.

  The seagulls squawked overhead, taking dives to snatch up something from the water or the junk food on the shore. I laughed when one swooped down to steal a cinnamon roll from a nearby table. The owner of the breakfast threw his arms up in the air, but was laughing in disbelief.

  Seagulls, hunger, desire, white wings, blue sky, soar, Christa, soar.

  “That guy looks like my dad,” Tommy said, pointing to the man who’d been ripped off by a seagull, “except for the part where he’s laughing.”

  “Your dad never laughs?”

  “He doesn’t stay still long enough. No vacations. No hobbies. No interests but business. Not like your dad. My dad works all the time. He didn’t go on one summer trip or spring vacation with my mom and sister and me. Can you imagine that? Not wanting to go anywhere.”

  “Maybe he likes where he is,” I said.

  “All he cares about is work. Not a surprise he thinks I’m a total washout.”

  “Tommy,” I said, “he can’t think that.”

  “Oh yes, he does. We have the traditional father-son relationship, where the son disappoints the father for not living up to his potential. It’s an old story.”

  “He thinks that because you want to be a teacher?” I asked.

  “Yes, among other things.” He looked at me. “You look so concerned.” He tweaked my hand. “Don’t worry. I’m used to it.”

  “But you’re not really, are you?” I asked. “It bothers you.”

  “Not enough to get a business degree like he wants me to,” he said. “The thing is, I admire my dad. I wouldn’t want his life, but he’s very smart, motivated. He thinks for himself. I like that about him.”

  “You want him,” I said softly, “to see something in you that he admires.”

  “Yeah, I do.” He was gazing at me. “You are such a surprise, Annie.”

  “Why do you say that?” I asked, thinking of jumping off the bench to throw my trash away.

  He reached over and tucked my flying hair behind my ear. It was his touch that stopped me. He quickly dropped his hand, but was still looking at me. “It’s going to be hard to go back to my life in Texas after meeting you. It’ll feel empty without you there.”

  I didn’t move. I couldn’t seem to move.

  He leaned in, his face close to mine, his eyes looking into mine. I still didn’t move away. And then I closed my eyes, not wanting to worry or to think, and I let his lips touch mine, and his kiss was sweet and tentative, which I didn’t expect. So I kissed him back.

  We drew apart, looking at one another, and I was surprised to find my hands were touching his face. I dropped them and pulled away.

  He reached for me, taking my hand. “Annie.”

  “I can’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.” And now our only touch was his hand holding on to my fingers.

  But I let go and slid off the table.

  We started walking along the water’s edge.

  “I have a boyfriend, Tommy,” I said, not able to look at him, my eyes burning. “And not just a casual boyfriend. A guy I’ve been with a long time.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Do I love him?” I asked.

  “Yeah, that guy who punches at doors.”

  “He doesn’t normally do that.”

&
nbsp; “Just sometimes?”

  “I’ve never seen him do that before,” I said. “Only when some hot guy …” I glanced at him, embarrassed.

  He laughed like he couldn’t stop. “You should see your face.”

  I touched my cheeks. “Am I hot?”

  He laughed even harder.

  “Not that funny,” I said, knowing my face was bright red. And the more I thought about it, the hotter my face became. But then I started laughing too. And we couldn’t stop for a while. I held on to his arm and covered my mouth trying—and failing—to stop the guffaws from coming out. Which made him laugh even more.

  “Enough,” I said. “Enough.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, stopping, but still grinning. I hit his arm playfully, and started walking again, with him beside me. I was still embarrassed, but I felt closer to him suddenly, with the kiss and shared laughter.

  “So do you, Annie?” he asked again. “Do you love him?”

  I thought of Mark, the way he would place his hand lightly on the small of my back when we walked through the halls at school. How he’d stroll through cemeteries and read old gravestones with me. How he’d taught me to shoot a rubber band when we were in fifth grade. And how I hit him in the nose accidentally with one as I practiced. I could still see his little fifth-grade face with the red mark on his little fifth-grade nose.

  Did I love him? I just didn’t know anymore.

  CHAPTER 30

  We’d only been away from home for four days, but it felt like a whole season had passed, like Tommy was the only person I knew now, the only person in my life.

  That was why it was such a shock to see Dad at the motel when we got back from the beach. We ran into the lobby, away from the rain. The weather front that had delayed the launch had finally arrived here.

  “Hey there, Annie,” Dad said, giving me a quick hug.

  “You look terrible, Dad,” I said, pinching my nose. He smelled and felt like rotting sandy refuse on a beach.

  “I’ve been sleeping out under the stars.”

  “You made it!” said Tommy. “How’s the car?”

  Dad laughed. “She’s running, after I emptied out my bank account.”

  “Running’s good.”

  “That it is, Tommy. Thanks, son, for taking care of my girl.” Dad squinted at me. “What’s wrong? Your eyes are puffy.” He glanced at Tommy, either with a look of suspicion or just confusion; it was hard to tell.

  “Sand in the eyes, Dad,” I said quickly. “Come on up to our room. The room.” I wasn’t sure how he was going to take the news that Tommy and I had been staying in a room together. I didn’t think he’d mind. He was always so laid-back about stuff.

  “The motel isn’t that nice, but it’s cheap,” I said, on the way.

  “And it’s got a good location,” Dad said. “Not too far from the beach.”

  “Nothing’s far from the ocean here.”

  “Where are Bonnie and Clyde?” he asked.

  “They had to go back,” I explained. “Ready to get wet? The stairs aren’t covered.”

  “Bonnie and Clyde left?” he asked, then got quiet.

  Tommy was quiet too.

  “Let’s go,” I said, going out into the rain and up the concrete steps. I didn’t want to look at Dad. I was thinking about the kiss with Tommy and was afraid my face would give it away. Then Dad would think something worse than just Tommy and I sleeping in the same room together.

  Dad was close behind me when we went in the room. I grabbed some towels out of the bathroom and gave one to each of them.

  Dad looked relieved to see the beds unmade, both of them. But his lips were still pressed together in an irritated grimace as he dried his neck and face.

  “The maid service isn’t the best here,” I said.

  Dad looked at Tommy. “I don’t like this. You staying here alone with my daughter? For God’s sake, Tommy, you’re twenty-two years old.”

  “Dad—”

  “I’m talking to Tommy.”

  “You’re right, Jesse,” said Tommy, looking very guilty. “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t like it, Tommy. Not at all.”

  “Dad, stop talking to him about this. I’m eighteen,” I said. “I’m an adult. You talk to me about it. I make my own decisions.”

  “All right, then. What were you thinking, Annie?”

  “I was thinking I didn’t have much money, and Tommy offered to pay for the room. You know, Dad, you sent me off with these people you didn’t even know—”

  “I thought you were safe with him.” He shot Tommy a look.

  “And I was safe. Nothing happened, Dad.” There was no way I was going to tell him about the kiss. “It was fine.”

  He pulled one of his hand-rolled cigarettes out of his pocket. “I gotta go for a smoke.” He left, slamming the door.

  Tommy and I looked at one another.

  “It’s my fault, Annie. I’m sorry. I just don’t think of you as someone in high school. You seem older than that to me.”

  That made me smile. “Don’t tell my dad that, okay?”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “No way.”

  Eventually Dad came back, smelling like smoke, quiet. At least he wasn’t so mad anymore. He didn’t bring up the subject again, but I worried he might tell Mom. But then I dismissed that fear: he wouldn’t tell her because she’d blame him for it.

  “So they launch tomorrow?” he asked me. He still wouldn’t look at Tommy.

  “At 9:36 a.m.,” I said. “We need to leave early, though. About 7 a.m.”

  “It can’t take more than thirty minutes to get out there,” Dad said. “And it’s not going to lift off any earlier.”

  “Lea’s mom said we needed to be at the gate two hours before launch because there’s going to be a lot of people.”

  “But to leave at seven? I’m still on Central time.”

  “Dad.”

  “Fine,” he said. “Early it is.”

  He didn’t mention that the launch delays would also delay my getting back to school or his getting back to work. Of course, it wouldn’t be in Dad’s nature to worry about that anyway.

  It was good he was here, that there was a dad to keep Tommy and me apart. I had things to think about.

  I wondered if you could be in love with one person and want to kiss and be with another. I hadn’t been thinking about what Mark had been doing these last few days. I hadn’t called him. I should be thinking about my boyfriend. Maybe it was because I just met Tommy and everything was new and different.

  This trip was supposed to be about fun, an escape, a break from thinking about big decisions. It was a chance to watch someone who was brave and sure of herself reach for something beyond her ordinary life.

  I wasn’t anything like Christa. I was the opposite of her. But I’d been thinking that if a teacher living a simple life in Concord just one year ago could now be launching on the space shuttle, then maybe my life could be an adventure too.

  Everyone around me knew what to do next. They were making choices about their lives like it was the easiest thing in the world to slide into college or to send in an application to NASA to go into space. Even Mark was sure what he wanted, which was to marry me and live in Clear Lake for the rest of our lives.

  Mark knew me so well. He knew my mom, my grandma, my cousins, my friends. He understood that part of me that loved to cross the Kemah Bridge over and over again.

  But there was Tommy … he was older than I was. He was cooler. He was prettier. He listened to me. I’d even told him about my poetry. I’d never shared that with Mark.

  Yes, it was good Dad was here.

  Dad and Tommy settled in to watch the Super Bowl. I read, and listened to the rain outside. I hoped it would stop soon. To come all this way and not see a launch would be so disappointing. Not to mention the frustration poor Christa would feel at being delayed again. Surely it would happen tomorrow.

  I also sneaked peeks at Tommy. I liked watc
hing him watch the game and talk to my dad.

  The Bears beat the Patriots by a whole bunch.

  We got a cot, and Tommy insisted on sleeping on it. It was a little weird settling down to sleep in a room with not just Tommy, but Dad too. I hadn’t slept in the same room with Dad since I was a little girl. And to have another guy there. Weird.

  Dad stepped out to smoke another cigarette on the balcony, which made things a little easier. I curled up in my bed and pretended to sleep. But I couldn’t stop thinking.

  I needed to talk to Mark, to tell him how I was feeling, how confused I was about us. It would break his heart. But it wasn’t fair to keep this from him. It would have to wait until we got back.

  I would stay away from Tommy in the meantime. I would.

  Golly Moses, as Lea would say, I needed to buck up here. Here I was lying awake worried about talking to Mark, and right down the road the astronauts were probably all sound asleep, even though they were about to go for a high ride.

  CHAPTER 31

  The next morning was cold for Florida. The news said it was forty degrees.

  “This is Florida,” Dad said. “It’s supposed to be warm all year.”

  “The news guy said it’s usually not like this.”

  “They should have launched yesterday morning,” said Tommy. “Geez.”

  I grabbed a sleeping bag and some blankets. “I wish I’d brought something thicker than my jean jacket.” Tommy helped me gather things up.

  We drove out to the space center with our car pass in the windshield. We weren’t in any VIP area or anything like that, but we did have a great view of the pad across the swampy water of the Banana River. We parked alongside other cars on a small strip of land and carried our sleeping bags and cooler out to a grassy area to find a spot.

  Excitement was in the air. I dodged a couple of laughing kids who ran in front of me, one of them stepping on my toes.

  “Well, ow,” I said.

  “Sorry!” the boy yelled over his shoulder as he chased the other one.

  We spread out the sleeping bags. I wrapped myself in a blanket. Almost every bit of grass was taken up by a blanket or a folding chair. People were everywhere with cameras and grins and coats. It was cold.